I Am Free!
As a child I loved the stars and would spend hours looking up into the night sky. Somehow in the scariness of the dark there was peace in the vastness of the constellations. Some comfort that chance couldn’t create something as amazing as this.
I grew up in a loving home with everything I could have ever wanted and a Dad that could protect me from anything. But still I was afraid. By five I was afraid of everything. There were men that had hurt me and even my Dad couldn’t protect me. When I was thirteen I was hurt again and so began my life of fear. Fear that I couldn’t be loved, that everyone could see my scars, and that I was marked by the pain that haunted me.
By the time I left for college I was like wounded animal running from death. My fear soon led me to false hopes, anger, depression, adultery and divorce. Everything about my life was pure chaos. Anything that used to be secure crumbled. I no longer looked at the sky. I was afraid that it would come down on me too. I spent my entire life trying to please people and be loved, and now who could love me?
One of Satan’s greatest weapons is to have us doubt that salvation exists. He takes great victory when he keeps us running in a direction away from God. And that is what I always did. I am a great runner. When it comes to problems and uncomfortable situations for me, I will run away. As soon as I was able to understand and fully accept the salvation that Jesus has given to us, I started running to Him. What joy there is, to be able to run into the arms of a loving savior!
It was a slow process for me because I had to learn to trust. I still struggle with the spirit of fear, but I have learned that Jesus Christ is faithful. I have found courage, peace and strength through my relationship with him. I have complete control over my life and I am no longer a slave to sin. Even though many of my worst fears have come true, I no longer have the weight of my past slowing me down. I have given it all to Him. I am free.