Wonderful Merciful Savior

My Inspiration

Our daughter Payton was born on September 29, 2009.  She was absolutely beautiful and perfect.  I had a midwife and delivered her at home.  Because she was born at home she didn’t receive the Vitamin K injection, and she was one of the 7 babies out of 100,000 babies born, that have a condition called hemorrhagic disease of the newborn.

She was a very healthy and happy baby.  So when she began to cry and not want to eat, and then vomit, I knew something was wrong.  I met my husband in the emergency room, we had been there about an hour when her lung hemorrhaged and we thought that we lost her.  I will never forget the complete helplessness that I felt at that moment, watching the life go out of my baby, and then watching as the courageous hospital workers did everything they could to bring it back.  And they won!

She was breathing, but when the CAT scan came back her brain was full of blood.  I flew with her to Children’s Hospital, it was so cold, and my body was numb.  We stayed with her for 5 days, they tried to drain the blood from her brain, but it started clotting.  The Doctors told us that she was brain dead and that we would have to make a decision.  We prayed for a miracle.

I asked God so many times to take me instead, and let her live.  I screamed at God and told Him that I hated Him more times then I can count.  But in the end he won.  I was so broken…..I was so broken.  After having my beautiful Payton for one month we went home, and tried our best to explain to a 4 and 2 year old, why God had to take their sister to Heaven.  We prepared 9 months to have her with us and then we only had her for 1 month and now we were preparing her funeral.  It was all surreal.  I walked through each day in a fog of unbelief.  I blamed myself…..I blamed God!

But then something beautiful started to happen inside of me.  As I began reading some good books about Heaven and the Bible.  I began to slowly forgive God and then myself.  He started teaching me about eternity and the importance of salvation.  There was a constant struggle inside of me for a long time, and there are times when the tears still flow.  If this world was all that there is, then this story would be sad, because this would be the end of my sweet little Payton.  But because of Jesus Christ we will have eternal life with HIM!  Because of Jesus Christ I will see my little Payton again.  Death is not the end…..PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!

“Let the little children come to me….for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these”  Luke 18:16

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3 Comments

  1. What a beautiful baby.. good for you for writing this blog.. God is with you and will encourage you as you share your heart.
    Blessings,
    Alicia

    • Wonderful Merciful Savior

      Thank You so much!!!

  2. She’s beautiful. Hugs…

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